Friday the 13th
(1980) vs. Friday the 13th (2009)
In The Red Corner: Friday the 13th (1980)
Directed by Sean S. Cunningham featuring Adrienne King and Betsy Palmer.
In the Black Corner: The 2009 remake
(sequel? reboot? desperate push for greenbacks?)
Directed by Marcus Nispel with
Jared Padalecki and Danielle Panabaker
Let’s Get It On! The original
cash-in slash-in Friday the 13th is in the house to represent
against its own parasitic offspring. Ch-Ch-Ch-Ah-Ah-Ah away!
Round 1 – Director: Cunningham’s
point and shoot style, mixed with stalking camera work and love of violence,
puts up solid points for the original. While not as revolutionary as his
contemporaries, Cunningham’s style would be emulated for the next decade by up
and coming horror directors. The remake boasts Marcus Nispel, who also tackled
the better than it could have been TCM remake. He gives the flick a solid
visual style and some interesting shots, but really struggles with pacing,
especially in the second act (more on that later).
Round 1 Score: 1980 – 22 / 2009 – 18
Round 2 – Cast: Adrienne King’s Alice
is drafted with the quickest of strokes, but that doesn’t stop her from being a
solid final girl. Betsy Palmer is great as the deranged / devastated mother,
which gives the third act a much needed punch in the intensity level. The rest
of the cast (including all seven degrees of Kevin Bacon) are solid if not long
lasting. The remake does okay; problem is, most of the characters are making
bone-headed moves left, right, and center. Despite some major development
problems, Jared Padalecki comes off well. The same can be said for Ms.
Panabaker’s literal girl next door. One wonders how she could have such a dick
boyfriend. Speaking of that, if there was an Oscar for playing a dick, Travis
Van Winkle would get it. I wanna punch that guy!
Round 2 Score: 1980 – 20 / 2013 - 18
Total – The Original’s in charge – 42
to 36.
Round 3 – The script: The original’s
script is pretty basic. Its roller-coaster structure is enjoyable and
efficient, allowing for much running in the dark and slaughter. The remake
doesn’t fair nearly as well. Not only are the characters idiots in the highest
degree, they’re making all kinds of dumb moves. What makes the whole thing
worse is that the title break occurs 24(!) minutes into the flick. That means
we’ve only got an hour with our main characters, so none of them are developed
in the least. Even a major twist at the end fails to impress because we don’t
know or care about these idiot characters. The quality actors can’t save it.
Round 3 Score: 1980 – 20 / 2009 – 7
Total – The original takes a
seemingly insurmountable lead, 62 to 43.
Round 4 – Effects: F13 1980 boasts a
slit throat, arrow wounds, axe to the head, and plenty of ugliness. The
remake is no slouch either: stabbings, arrows to the head, cooking folks in
sleeping bags, and fun with a wood chipper. Despite this, I was really hoping
the remake would go further, especially with the recent High Tension and
Hatchet on the scene.
Round 4 Score: 1980 – 22 / 2009 – 25
Total – The redux isn’t out of it
yet, but is still down, 84 to 68
Round 5 – Fear Factor: With its
well-oiled, roller-coaster set up, the original works as a fun slasher flick.
It’s not with you after you leave the theater, but it’s scary enough while
you’re inside. The remake doesn’t fare quite as well. Scenes are intense, sure;
but, a lot of the horror is a bookend, occurring in the first twenty and last
twenty. The middle is a kind of a horror-less wasteland.
Round 5 Score: 1980 – 25 / 2009 – 20
Total – The original is laying into
the newbie, 109 to 88
Round 6 – Overall Film: Friday
the 13th (1980) spawned a dozen other flicks and one of the most
financially profitable movie franchises of all time. The remake didn’t manage
to get the title card in the right place.
Round 6 Score: 1980 – 28 / 2009 – 10
Final Result: The winner, by
knockout, is the original Friday the 13th! Final score: 137 to 98
- J.W. Brewer