The Brain That Wouldn't Die (1962)
Director: Joseph Green
Writers: Rex Carlton (original story), Joseph Green (original story), 1 more credit »
Stars: Jason Evers, Virginia Leith, Anthony La Penna
“Let me die. Let
me die!”
Is that the sound of despair from an audience member
watching the last Indiana Jones film? Or maybe the plea for mercy you make when
you find out your kid likes Justin Bieber? Perhaps it's the catchphrase of that
Idols judge everyone loves to hate? Or could it be the wail of a woman –
with nothing but a black screen showing- that makes this one of the most
effective opening moments of a horror film ever?
Yes, it's all of the above. But that doesn't take away from
how creepy that introduction is in this horror film. It works and it's
disturbing. It's almost as good as the scream at the start of the original
House on Haunted Hill, the first murder in Scream or any of the other best
intro teasers out there. Start with a bang, that's always a good lesson with
movies.
Of course, then you've got to follow it up with another good
hour or two of viewing. This one doesn't. In fact, the intro is the best part
of this film – except for when The End flashes on the screen later.
Doctor Bill Cortner is one of those maverick surgeons who
breaks all those pesky rules and ethics that hamper medical advancements. You
know, like performing experimental surgery on the newly-dead, bringing them
back to life and stealing limbs from amputees. His dad doesn't like it, but
Bill is a rebel like Victor Frankenstein. He's off to the family summer house/private
laboratory with his hot-to-trot fiancée Jan at 10 mph, but she won't stop
nagging him. He accelerates wildly on some dangerous curves just to shut her
up, and promptly crashes.
He's thrown clear, but she gets decapitated. Let that be a
lesson, kids. Speed kills.
Being an upstanding guy, he doesn't bother waiting for the
authorities but rather grabs her severed head and takes it to the summer house.
Like any good doctor would, he clamps her head in a vice, pops it in a pan of
magical medical goop and brings it back to life. Since he still wants to get
busy with Jan, he figures all he has to do is transplant her head on another
woman's body. It means the other woman will die, but that's the price of
progress.
While he sets out on the dreary task of attending burlesque
bars, beauty pageants and bikini photo sessions looking for the perfect woman,
Jan's severed head is doing what she does best: nag. She nags at Cortner's
assistant, and then at one of his earlier test subjects who remains locked
away. She's also telepathic now and uses that skill to nag even more. All she
wants to do is die, but revenge is an equally acceptable alternative.
I'd tell you the ending, but I won't. Not because I
disapprove of spoilers, but because there isn't much of an ending to speak of.
It's there, but if you blink, you'll miss it. It scores for revealing what the
test subject monster looks like but fails because it looks like the lovechild
of Sloth and Tor Johnson.
One of the biggest problems with this film is that there are
no actual heroes; Jan is a pain, and you wish that she would die just so
she'd stop complaining, while Dr. Cortner has all the appeal of a block of wood
and half the charisma. The film feels soulless. It's a cheap exploitation film
that doesn't even pretend to be anything more, with no actual horror and
drawn-out shots of pointless eye candy.
Oh, and there's the problem that it was made at all. But
then if it weren't then we wouldn't have anything to laugh at, right? So, I
guess we owe it something for that.
Thankfully, there's that great introduction to hang on to.
And the words, The End, which can't seem to arrive fast enough. The rest is
filling, bland and leaving a bad taste behind. Spit it out after consumption.
- Rick Austin
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