Horror Remake Vs. Original: Friday the 13th

Friday the 13^th (1980) vs. Friday the 13^th (2009)

In The Red Corner: Friday the 13^th (1980)

Directed by Sean S. Cunningham featuring Adrienne King and Betsy Palmer.

In the Black Corner: The 2009 remake (sequel? reboot? desperate push for greenbacks?)

Directed by Marcus Nispel with Jared Padalecki and Danielle Panabaker

Let’s Get It On! The original cash-in slash-in Friday the 13^th is in the house to represent against its own parasitic offspring. Ch-Ch-Ch-Ah-Ah-Ah away!

Round 1 – Director: Cunningham’s point and shoot style, mixed with stalking camera work and love of violence, puts up solid points for the original. While not as revolutionary as his contemporaries, Cunningham’s style would be emulated for the next decade by up and coming horror directors. The remake boasts Marcus Nispel, who also tackled the better than it could have been TCM remake. He gives the flick a solid visual style and some interesting shots, but really struggles with pacing, especially in the second act (more on that later).

Round 1 Score: 1980 – 22 / 2009 – 18

Round 2 – Cast: Adrienne King’s Alice is drafted with the quickest of strokes, but that doesn’t stop her from being a solid final girl. Betsy Palmer is great as the deranged / devastated mother, which gives the third act a much needed punch in the intensity level. The rest of the cast (including all seven degrees of Kevin Bacon) are solid if not long lasting. The remake does okay; problem is, most of the characters are making bone-headed moves left, right, and center. Despite some major development problems, Jared Padalecki comes off well. The same can be said for Ms. Panabaker’s literal girl next door. One wonders how she could have such a dick boyfriend. Speaking of that, if there was an Oscar for playing a dick, Travis Van Winkle would get it. I wanna punch that guy!

Round 2 Score: 1980 – 20 / 2013 - 18

Total – The Original’s in charge – 42 to 36.

Round 3 – The script: The original’s script is pretty basic. Its roller-coaster structure is enjoyable and efficient, allowing for much running in the dark and slaughter. The remake doesn’t fair nearly as well. Not only are the characters idiots in the highest degree, they’re making all kinds of dumb moves. What makes the whole thing worse is that the title break occurs 24(!) minutes into the flick. That means we’ve only got an hour with our main characters, so none of them are developed in the least. Even a major twist at the end fails to impress because we don’t know or care about these idiot characters. The quality actors can’t save it.

Round 3 Score: 1980 – 20 / 2009 – 7

Total – The original takes a seemingly insurmountable lead, 62 to 43.

Round 4 – Effects: F13 1980 boasts a slit throat, arrow wounds, axe to the head, and plenty of ugliness. The remake is no slouch either: stabbings, arrows to the head, cooking folks in sleeping bags, and fun with a wood chipper. Despite this, I was really hoping the remake would go further, especially with the recent High Tension and Hatchet on the scene.

Round 4 Score: 1980 – 22 / 2009 – 25

Total – The redux isn’t out of it yet, but is still down, 84 to 68

Round 5 – Fear Factor: With its well-oiled, roller-coaster set up, the original works as a fun slasher flick. It’s not with you after you leave the theater, but it’s scary enough while you’re inside. The remake doesn’t fare quite as well. Scenes are intense, sure; but, a lot of the horror is a bookend, occurring in the first twenty and last twenty. The middle is a kind of a horror-less wasteland.

Round 5 Score: 1980 – 25 / 2009 – 20

Total – The original is laying into the newbie, 109 to 88

Round 6 – Overall Film: Friday the 13^th (1980) spawned a dozen other flicks and one of the most financially profitable movie franchises of all time. The remake didn’t manage to get the title card in the right place.

Round 6 Score: 1980 – 28 / 2009 – 10

Final Result: The winner, by knockout, is the original Friday the 13^th! Final score: 137 to 98

- J.W. Brewer

Staff Writer

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Review: Pet Sematary (1989)

Pet Sematary (1989)

Director: Mary Lambert

Writer: Stephen King (based on his book)

Stars: Fred Gwynne, Dale Midkiff, Denise Crosby

Pet Sematary isn’t that good of a movie.  It is, however, a really good horror movie and a great adaptation of a book Stephen King hated writing.  Perhaps this is why King opted to write the screenplay himself, figuring if such a heinous tale was to be put on screen, he might as well do it right.  He even appears in the movie as a priest.  

The opening credits and soundtrack set the tone beautifully for what is a highly depressing and frightening endeavor.  We then meet the main players, including Jud Crandall, played wonderfully by Fred Gwynne, easily one of the best screen versions of a Stephen King character.  There’s also Louis Creed: doctor and family man, his wife Rachel, kids, cat, station wagon, etc.  Originally from Chicago, they relocate to Maine and settle into a house with a very odd path out back, a path to a cemetery for pets, misspelled “Pet Sematary” by local heartbroken youngsters.  The “sematary” naturally leaves a bad taste in everyone’s mouth, especially when the Creed’s own cat, Church, is run over by an eighteen-wheeler on Thanksgiving.  After hearing some local legends from Jud, Louis chooses not to bury Church in the harmless children's pet sematary, but an ancient Micmac burial ground instead.  This burial ground is known to bring back the dead, only what it brings back usually isn’t for the better.  In a desperate attempt to salvage his daughter’s pet, Louis buries Church exactly where he shouldn’t and keeps it to himself.  Amazingly enough, Church does return from the dead, smelling like shit and with a really bad attitude.  Let’s just say no one in the Creed household will be taking a relaxing bath any time soon.

The story then takes a dark detour about halfway through, when Louis’ son Gage, practically a baby, is run over and killed by the same kind of truck that killed Church.  The way I recall seeing this scene for the first time, my inner monologue went something like this: “He’s not really gonna get run over by...yep, he just got run over by the truck.”

No surprise to those who’ve read the book first, but I had not at the time, and it’s just something you don’t see very often in any movie.  Hell, I thought this movie was about a killer cat!  Gage’s funeral is yet another disaster and it’s clear where Louis plans on burying his son’s body.

Did I mention Louis does all this despite a strict warning not to by the ghost of a dead jogger?  His name is Pascow, and even though his brain literally dangles from his bleeding skull, he’s a pretty nice guy.  In the first act, Pascow pretty much flatlines on Louis’ nurses' office table, after being hit by none other than a giant truck.  He wakes up dead and swears his allegiance to Louis.  All he wants to do is help, and perhaps had he made any attempt to be less creepy, Louis would have heeded his warnings properly.  Instead, Louis does nothing but piss on Pascow’s advice, which ultimately gets him, and the entire family killed.  

The plot of Pet Sematary, a cemetery that brings back the (evil) dead, is undeniably scary.  What’s interesting is that the scariest scenes don’t necessarily directly relate to said plotline.  For many, the most memorable scene of the movie is Rachel’s flashback about her dead, reptilian sister, Zelda.  Just thinking her name makes me shudder, and she’s put a dark cloud over the classic Nintendo game, that’s for sure.  But this scene, along with the unsettling suicidal hanging of housekeeper Missy Dandridge, could’ve easily been cut from the movie and not taken away a single thing...except for two of the scariest scenes.  They work more as subtext, providing some insight into Rachel’s past and feelings about death.  Other scenes involving stories relayed to Louis via Jud, are scarier than the entire third act, which features slasher Gage going to town with a scalpel.

There are some movies I distinctly recall seeing for the first time.  Pet Sematary was on a Saturday evening, I’m guessing around 7pm (although my instincts are 5pm), and on television.  It’s actually not a bad movie to suffer through a TV edit, as it’s not too gruesome, nor does it have much profanity, so for the most part it’s all there.  Already a big horror fan by age 8 or 9, and knowing what Pet Sematary was, I didn’t have particular interest in it; I just sat there and started watching as it came on because I didn’t feel like getting up.  Needless to say, I never did get up, nor do I remember at what point the power came back on.  Imagine sitting there, a little kid, getting a real big kick outta a horror flick you’re not supposed to be watching, TV edit or not, loving every minute of it, fully aware getting sleep will be difficult tonight but making the gamble anyway.  Successfully making it through the entire thing, almost turning it off several times, I finally get up and due to some summer or fall wind (this is why I can’t pinpoint a 5pm or 7pm start time) the power goes black just as the sun has officially vanquished.  It was like something out of a horror movie!

That’s how I remember Pet Sematary and probably always will (and nothing beats that peaceful Paramount jingle at the beginning).

- Peter DiGiovanni

Trailer:

Review: The Brain That Wouldn't Die (1962)

The Brain That Wouldn't Die (1962)

Director: Joseph Green

Writers: Rex Carlton (original story), Joseph Green (original story), 1 more credit »

Stars: Jason Evers, Virginia Leith, Anthony La Penna

“Let me die. Let me die!”

Is that the sound of despair from an audience member watching the last Indiana Jones film? Or maybe the plea for mercy you make when you find out your kid likes Justin Bieber? Perhaps it's the catchphrase of that Idols judge everyone loves to hate? Or could it be the wail of a woman – with nothing but a black screen showing- that makes this one of the most effective opening moments of a horror film ever?

Yes, it's all of the above. But that doesn't take away from how creepy that introduction is in this horror film. It works and it's disturbing. It's almost as good as the scream at the start of the original House on Haunted Hill, the first murder in Scream or any of the other best intro teasers out there. Start with a bang, that's always a good lesson with movies.

Of course, then you've got to follow it up with another good hour or two of viewing. This one doesn't. In fact, the intro is the best part of this film – except for when The End flashes on the screen later.

Doctor Bill Cortner is one of those maverick surgeons who breaks all those pesky rules and ethics that hamper medical advancements. You know, like performing experimental surgery on the newly-dead, bringing them back to life and stealing limbs from amputees. His dad doesn't like it, but Bill is a rebel like Victor Frankenstein. He's off to the family summer house/private laboratory with his hot-to-trot fiancée Jan at 10 mph, but she won't stop nagging him. He accelerates wildly on some dangerous curves just to shut her up, and promptly crashes.

He's thrown clear, but she gets decapitated. Let that be a lesson, kids. Speed kills.

Being an upstanding guy, he doesn't bother waiting for the authorities but rather grabs her severed head and takes it to the summer house. Like any good doctor would, he clamps her head in a vice, pops it in a pan of magical medical goop and brings it back to life. Since he still wants to get busy with Jan, he figures all he has to do is transplant her head on another woman's body. It means the other woman will die, but that's the price of progress.

While he sets out on the dreary task of attending burlesque bars, beauty pageants and bikini photo sessions looking for the perfect woman, Jan's severed head is doing what she does best: nag. She nags at Cortner's assistant, and then at one of his earlier test subjects who remains locked away. She's also telepathic now and uses that skill to nag even more. All she wants to do is die, but revenge is an equally acceptable alternative.

I'd tell you the ending, but I won't. Not because I disapprove of spoilers, but because there isn't much of an ending to speak of. It's there, but if you blink, you'll miss it. It scores for revealing what the test subject monster looks like but fails because it looks like the lovechild of Sloth and Tor Johnson.

One of the biggest problems with this film is that there are no actual heroes; Jan is a pain, and you wish that she would die just so she'd stop complaining, while Dr. Cortner has all the appeal of a block of wood and half the charisma. The film feels soulless. It's a cheap exploitation film that doesn't even pretend to be anything more, with no actual horror and drawn-out shots of pointless eye candy.

Oh, and there's the problem that it was made at all. But then if it weren't then we wouldn't have anything to laugh at, right? So, I guess we owe it something for that.

Thankfully, there's that great introduction to hang on to. And the words, The End, which can't seem to arrive fast enough. The rest is filling, bland and leaving a bad taste behind. Spit it out after consumption. 

- Rick Austin

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The Midnight Meat Train (2008): A Gruesome Journey into the Depths of Horror

The Midnight Meat Train: A Gruesome Journey into the Depths of Horror

Released in 2008, "The Midnight Meat Train" is a horror film directed by Ryuhei Kitamura, based on Clive Barker's short story of the same name. This cinematic adaptation takes audiences on a harrowing and visceral journey into the dark underbelly of the city, blending elements of psychological horror and gore to create a unique and unforgettable viewing experience.

The film follows Leon Kaufman, played by Bradley Cooper, an ambitious and struggling photographer in New York City. Leon becomes obsessed with capturing the city's gritty and raw essence, leading him to traverse the subway system during the late hours of the night. His nocturnal adventures bring him face to face with a mysterious and menacing butcher named Mahogany, portrayed by Vinnie Jones. As Leon delves deeper into the macabre, he discovers a horrifying secret lurking beneath the city's surface.

Ryuhei Kitamura skillfully crafts an atmospheric and tension-filled environment, utilizing the subway as a sinister backdrop for the unfolding horror. The film's dark, gritty cinematography amplifies the sense of foreboding, making every scene feel like a descent into madness. Kitamura effectively employs shadows and low-light settings to create an oppressive and claustrophobic atmosphere, intensifying the suspense throughout the film.

Bradley Cooper delivers a compelling performance as Leon Kaufman, a character whose descent into the grim underworld challenges his perceptions of reality and morality. Vinnie Jones, known for his roles in action films, delivers a chilling and menacing portrayal of Mahogany, the enigmatic butcher who becomes a central figure in Leon's horrifying discoveries. The film's supporting cast, including Brooke Shields and Leslie Bibb, adds depth to the narrative, creating a diverse ensemble of characters that contribute to the overall sense of unease.

"The Midnight Meat Train" explores themes of obsession, morality, and the fine line between art and madness. Clive Barker's source material, known for its dark and thought-provoking narratives, lends itself well to the film's exploration of the human psyche and the consequences of unchecked ambition. The subway system serves as a symbolic descent into the abyss, mirroring Leon's journey into the darker recesses of his own mind.

True to its horror genre, "The Midnight Meat Train" does not shy away from graphic and visceral imagery. The film features intense and gory sequences that push the boundaries of conventional horror. The shock value is heightened by the film's unexpected twists and turns, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats as the story unfolds.

While "The Midnight Meat Train" did not achieve widespread commercial success upon its initial release, it has gained a cult following over the years. Fans appreciate its unique blend of psychological horror, gruesome visuals, and a narrative that challenges traditional horror tropes. The film stands as a testament to the power of independent horror cinema to deliver unconventional and memorable experiences.

In conclusion, "The Midnight Meat Train" remains a noteworthy entry in the horror genre, offering a gripping and unsettling journey into the depths of human darkness. Its atmospheric visuals, strong performances, and willingness to push the boundaries of horror make it a cult classic that continues to captivate and disturb audiences more than a decade after its release.

"Lake Placid" (1999): A Campy Classic That Swims Against the Current

"Lake Placid" (1999): A Campy Classic That Swims Against the Current

In the late 1990s, the horror-comedy genre experienced a surge in popularity, and one film that swam into the scene with a unique blend of humor and horror was "Lake Placid." Released in 1999 and directed by Steve Miner, this cult classic took the concept of a creature feature to new depths, offering audiences a thrilling and hilarious ride around a tranquil lake with a not-so-tranquil secret.

The film kicks off when a mysterious underwater creature attacks and kills a diver in the serene Black Lake, situated in the fictional town of Aroostook, Maine. Soon after, a team of experts, including paleontologist Kelly Scott (Bridget Fonda) and Fish and Game officer Jack Wells (Bill Pullman), is assembled to investigate the bizarre incident.

As the plot unfolds, the group discovers that a massive, prehistoric crocodile is the cause of the mayhem. The creature, which was thought to be extinct, has been living in the lake for years, growing to an astonishing size and exhibiting an insatiable appetite. The film follows the characters' attempts to capture and subdue the beast before it claims more victims.

"Lake Placid" boasts a stellar cast, with standout performances from Bridget Fonda, Bill Pullman, Oliver Platt, Brendan Gleeson, and Betty White. Fonda's portrayal of the strong-willed and intelligent Kelly Scott adds a layer of charm to the film, while Pullman's deadpan humor provides comic relief amidst the chaos. Platt steals scenes as the eccentric mythology professor Hector Cyr, and Betty White's quirky performance as the lake's resident widow, Mrs. Delores Bickerman, adds a surprising twist to the narrative.

What sets "Lake Placid" apart is its ability to seamlessly blend horror and humor. The film doesn't take itself too seriously, embracing its absurd premise with tongue-in-cheek dialogue and comedic timing. The banter between characters, especially the witty exchanges between Jack and Hector, adds a lighthearted touch to the otherwise tense situation. The film's ability to poke fun at itself while delivering genuine thrills makes it a memorable entry in the creature feature subgenre.

For a film released in 1999, "Lake Placid" impresses with its practical effects. The creature itself, brought to life through a combination of animatronics and CGI, still holds up surprisingly well. The filmmakers wisely chose to blend practical effects with computer-generated imagery, striking a balance that adds authenticity to the on-screen terror.

"Lake Placid" may not have been a blockbuster hit upon its initial release, but over the years, it has gained a cult following. Its unique blend of humor, horror, and memorable characters have endeared it to audiences seeking a break from more conventional monster movies. The film's legacy is also fueled by its replay value, as viewers continue to enjoy its campy charm and laugh-out-loud moments.

"Lake Placid" may not have set out to redefine the horror-comedy genre, but its quirky characters, witty dialogue, and monstrous mayhem have secured its place as a cult classic. Nearly two decades after its release, the film continues to entertain audiences who appreciate its ability to swim against the current of typical creature features. For those seeking a dose of laughter and thrills in a tranquil lake setting, "Lake Placid" remains a must-watch cinematic adventure.

Review: The Evictors (1979)

The Evictors (1979)

Director: Charles B. Pierce

Writer: Charles B. Pierce, Garry Rusoff, Paul Fisk

Stars: Jessica Harper, Michael Parks, Vic Morrow

Never as popular as Pierce’s other 70s horror classic, The Town That Dreaded Sundown (1976), The Evictors (1979) feels like it could almost be a spinoff of its much more beloved predecessor.  Both films have very atmospheric qualities and share a very similar look, like they were shot in the same town over the same weekend. It’s no wonder it is featured as a B-Side to the DVD/Blu-ray release of The Town That Dreaded Sundown.  But I think this particular release, from the always awesome Scream Factory, should be advertised as a Charles B. Pierce Double Feature, instead of treating Evictors like a mere bonus feature.  

Pierce is a master of mood and atmosphere, and that of The Evictors is of the utmost unnerving.  Things kick off in the summer of 1928, as a shootout ensues at the country home of a band of violent hillbillies.  According to some exposition: the lead hillbilly killed three people the last time he was served foreclosure papers.  Seems like they should be more concerned about putting this guy in jail than showing up with court documents, but that’s beside the point.  Fast forward some years later, as a happy young couple, Ben and Ruth, acquire the same idyllic estate for themselves.  In pristine condition and not a murderous hillbilly in sight, the young couple are more than excited to start their new life, promptly christening the bedroom.  What could go wrong?  

For one thing, their shady realtor, played by the amazing Vic Morrow, fails to mention that since 1934, each tenant has been met with a violent demise.  The locals are anything but welcoming and a fedora wearing prowler keeps showing up, acting like he owns the place.  Once Ruth begins piecing everything together, things only escalate, culminating in a brutal encounter, which takes away what Ruth cares about most.  With nowhere else to go and nothing left to lose, Ruth turns to the shady relator for help.  But can he be trusted?  

- Peter DiGiovanni

Review: American Mary (2012)

American Mary (2012)

Directors: Jen Soska, Sylvia Soska

Writers: Jen Soska, Sylvia Soska

Stars: Katharine Isabelle, Antonio Cupo, Tristan Risk

American Mary tells the story of a young med student desperate to make money. It's a relatable premise about a woman trying to make ends meet. Mary interviews for a job as a stripper and instead ends up getting offered $5,000 to stitch up a guy who's been badly injured. While she is initially terrified, she performs the surgery. She returns home, horrified by what he has done. The next day, she is offered more money by a stripper for a body modification operation. Mary gets invited to a party that one of her professors is having. There, she is drugged and raped. The story then turns in a different direction when she has her rapist teacher kidnapped. She performs multiple surgeries on him. She drops out of med school, goes into business on her own as a body modification surgeon, and continues to hold hostage and operate on her professor.

Mary, played by Katherine Isabelle, gives a great, confident, sarcastic and scary performance. She is often clad in black leather and lace; think Betty Page meets Dr. Kevorkian.  However, we never really discover much about her character other than that she has a grandmother who dies. We don't learn who she is or what she wants, other than revenge. While the film has its moments, ultimately the story falls short of satisfying the expectations it sets.  There are several characters and scenes reminiscent of David Lynch or The Wachowski siblings, but there's a lot of noir-ish style and not enough substance.

After Mary kills a security guard who discovers her hostage, the film toys with the idea of turning Mary into a villain. There's also a storyline with a detective on her case that felt rushed. The film tries to tell several stories that don't all get resolved, and the ending feels rushed. It does, however, have a good mix of dark humor and gore, and features a powerful female protagonist, often absent in modern horror films. 

- Peter Browne

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